Ways of Coping

Not every coping skill will speak to every part of you and that’s okay.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.

Different parts need different kinds of care at different times.

This is a collection of skills I’ve gathered from lived experience, with the hope of making things feel a little more manageable.

You’re human, and getting through things can be hard. If you’re here looking for ways to cope, I see how much effort that takes and that matters.

Draw/paint/colour by number
Take a nap/go to bed
Listen to music
Clean or organise a space
Play a computer/phone game
Read a book
Listen to podcasts
Count backwards from 500
Category game (a word for each letter A-Z)
Watch funny videos on YouTube

Make a list of things that make you happy
Do something nice for someone else
Watch TV
Mindful eating/walking/writing
Pick a subject and research it
Chose an object and write a detailed description of it
Go for a walk
Sing or play an instrument
Paint your nails

Bake/cook something
Dance to music
Scroll Pinterest/Substack
Create a coping skills toolbox
Wash your hair
Blow bubbles
Play solitaire
Tidy a room or sort something
Make a blanket fort
Grab a snack
Check out Recovery Ideas for more distractions

Call a friend/safe person
Call a helpline
Text a friend
Hug a safe person/animal/toy
Watch a show “together” (same time, separate places)
Sit in the same room as someone (no talking needed)
Sit at a café or library together

Play with a pet
Visit a friend
Volunteer
Ask for a distraction rather than support
Say “Can you keep me company for a bit?”
Message someone just to chat about neutral topics
Do a puzzle or craft with someone

Join a sports/hobby group
Attend a peer support group
Reach out to a clinician
Cook or eat alongside someone
Go for a short walk together
Study or work in the same space
Play a game together (online or in person)

Sit in a shopping centre
Go to a cafe
Go to a safe person’s house
Go for a walk
Move to a space with natural light
Visit a quiet museum or gallery
Sit in a place with background noise (food court, lobby)
Go to a public building just to sit (town hall, uni building)

Go to the movies
Go to a local library
Visit an animal shelter
Find a safe space to sit
Go to a local park
Sit in a different room in your home
Sit on a bench and scroll or listen to music
Ride public transport for a few stops
Sit in a car with the radio on
Visit a bookstore

Have a solo picnic
Go window shopping
Go people watching
Find somewhere to be alone (if needed)
Sit by water (river, lake, ocean, fountain)
Walk a different route than usual
Sit under a tree
Browse a supermarket slowly
Sit in a waiting area or lobby
Visit a garden centre or nursery
Browse an op shop

Breathing exercises
- Box breathing
- 4-7-8 breathing
- Belly breathing
- Guided breathing exercises
5-4-3-2-1 Exercise
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Suck or hold an ice cube
Sit in the sun
Eat sour candy
Eat spicy food
Eat a lemon slice
Eat ginger
Drink a really fizzy drink
Hold something with weight (book, mug, stone)
Wrap up tightly in a blanket (deep pressure)
Put your feet on the floor and press them down
Hold a warm wheat pack or cold pack (over clothes)
Play with kinetic sand, slime, or putty
Run hands under warm then cool water

Fidget toys
Stress ball
Drink some cold water
Take a shower/bath
Chew gum
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) exercises
Jump rope or jump up & down
10 minute walk/run
Yoga/stretching/pilates
Have a hot drink
Splash cold water on your face
Hold a warm mug and notice the heat
Step outside briefly and notice the air
Sit near a heater or fan
Take a warm shower and name sensations
Change clothes into something softer or looser
Press palms together for 10 seconds
Wall sit or gentle squat
Stretch arms overhead and notice length
Rock slowly back and forth
Slow neck or shoulder rolls
Brush hair slowly or use a soft brush on arms
Hug a pillow or stuffed toy
Sit against a wall or lie on the floor

Curl up in bed
Light a candle/incense
Listen to 8D music or soothing music
Use hand lotion or body scrub
Meditate
Get a massage
Walk barefoot on grass
Imagine your favourite place
Name 5 things you can see (slowly)
Look for a specific colour in the room
Watch clouds, trees, or rain
Play white noise or rain sounds
Listen to a familiar podcast or audiobook
Put one hand on your chest and listen to your breath
Smell coffee, tea, or spices
Essential oils (lavender, citrus, eucalyptus)
Fresh laundry or fabric softener
Say your name, age, and where you are
Name today’s date and time of day
Describe the room as if to someone else
Touch something near you and name its texture
Place one hand on your body and notice contact

Scream into a pillow
Cry
Shred a piece of paper
Journal
Write poetry
Write a gratitude list
Name the emotion
Brainstorm the problem
Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.
Sigh exaggeratedly several times
Read something out loud with emotion
Talk to an empty chair like someone is there
Record a voice note saying everything you won’t send
Sing aggressively or dramatically

Write down a list of your values
Hit an empty plastic bottle on cushions
Boxing/hitting a punching bag
Pick up a stick and hit it against a tree
Slam a pillow onto the floor
Rip up an old book
Exercise
Bang pots & pans
Throw darts.
Play handball or tennis.
Draw messy lines or scribbles (no goal)
Paint with hands or sponges
Write a letter you don’t send (then tear it up)
Write exactly what you wish you could say
Create a “vent page” — one page, no rereading

Stomp around
Break old dishes
Smash fruit with a hammer/bat
Punch pillows
Yell or sing at the top of your lungs
Throw/skim rocks
Run/sprint
Wall push-ups or plank against a wall
Shake your whole body for 30–60 seconds
Jump, pace, or march in place
Rip fabric scraps or old clothes
Snap sticks or dry branches
Pop bubble wrap
Smash cardboard boxes
Collage images that match the feeling
Use colours to show intensity (no shapes needed)

Thought challenge - write down thoughts and think about what you would say to someone you care about if they were having those thoughts
Problem solving - identify the problem as clearly as possible, generate possible solutions, evaluate the alternatives, decide on and implement a solution
Seek professional help - reach out to your GP, psychologist, psychiatrist or other trusted clinician
Set aside some time to write down a brain dump
Identify triggers
Check your safety plan or coping skills list
Positive affirmations
Write a letter to your younger or future self
Talk yourself through the moment

General Ideas

Sometimes in the moment it can be hard to think of ways to cope with pain or big emotions. These are some simple ideas grouped by different 'needs' you may need met when you are going through hard moments.

Not everything in here will work for you but if one idea can help even a little bit, then this list will have done it's job :)

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Harm Minimisation

Resisting self-harm can be fucking hard. I see that. Sometimes it feels impossible, and that’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of how much pain you’ve been carrying. This list isn’t meant to fix everything or tell you what to do. It’s just a collection of things that might help you make it through a wave, a night, or even just the next ten minutes.

Some of these might help, some might not and that’s okay. Take what feels right, leave what doesn’t. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to surviving. What matters most is that you keep trying, keep breathing, and keep holding on, even when it feels pointless. You deserve safety, support, and gentleness — even on the days you don’t believe that.

If even one of these ideas helps you stay safe for a little while longer, that’s a win. You don’t have to get it perfect just keep holding on.

TLDR - What You’ll Find Here

It’s fucking hard to resist self-harm — I see you, and you’re not alone in that.
This list won’t fix everything, but some things might help — even just for 10 minutes.
Take what helps, leave what doesn’t. Keep holding on; every small moment of safety matters.

Types of Harm Minimisation Strategies

Harm minimisation looks different for everyone. It’s about finding safer ways to cope, release, express, or ground yourself when the urge to self-harm feels overwhelming. There’s no right or wrong way to do that — just what helps you get through.

Here are the main types of strategies people often find helpful:

🧊 Sensory Alternatives:

Physical sensations that safely mimic the intensity or grounding feeling of self-harm — like holding ice, snapping an elastic band, or taking a cold shower.
🖋 Emotional Release / Expression:

Ways to get strong emotions out without hurting your body — like journalling, drawing, screaming into a pillow, or creating art that matches how you feel.
🌬 Grounding & Soothing:

Calming your nervous system when things feel too big — through breathing exercises, mindfulness, warm blankets, or slow stretches.
🤝 Connection & Support:

Reaching out — to a friend, helpline, online community, or even just sitting near someone. You don’t have to explain everything to be worthy of support.
🎧 Distraction & Redirection:

Shifting your focus until the urge passes — by watching a show, playing a game, cleaning, or doing something with your hands.
💪 Safety Planning & Environment:

Making small choices that help you stay safe — like delaying the urge, removing easy access to harmful tools, or keeping emergency numbers close.

TLDR

Harm minimisation is about finding safer ways to cope when the urge to self-harm hits.
Strategies can help you release, ground, distract, or connect without causing harm.
There’s no one right way — take what helps, leave what doesn’t.

Sensory Alternatives

For when you need to feel something or release energy safely.

These strategies give your body a physical outlet or grounding sensation without causing harm. They can help interrupt the intensity of an urge and bring you back into your body in safer ways.

Eat sour lollies or spicy foods – Gives your mouth a sharp sensation that can redirect intense urges.
Wear spikey bracelets or rings – Provides a safe, physical reminder of your body and sensations.
Use red textas or ice blocks on skin – Lets you mark or feel intensity without cutting.
Stand in a bucket of ice – A strong cold sensation can break the urge wave.
Have a cold shower – Shifts focus to your body and can help calm racing thoughts.
Hold an ice cube until it melts – Safe way to feel intense sensation and stay present.
Run hands under cold or warm water – Gentle or sharp temperature changes can ground you.
Wrap yourself tightly in a blanket or weighted blanket – Provides pressure that can soothe and calm.
Rub a textured object (stone, fabric, stress ball) – Keeps your hands busy and distracts from urges.
Smell something strong (coffee, perfume, essential oils) – Engages senses to redirect attention.
Squeeze a stress ball or knead playdough – Safe physical release for tension and energy.
Snap a hair tie or elastic band on your wrist – Gives a sharp sensation without lasting harm.
Chew something with a strong flavour (mint, lemon, chilli) – Provides a taste-based distraction.
Massage or roll a ball on your arms/legs – Releases tension and keeps focus away from urges.
Use an ice pack on the back of your neck and arms - Safe way to feel an intense sensation without breaking skin.

Emotional Release

For when everything inside feels too much to hold.

These are ways to let emotion out — to externalise what’s building up instead of turning it inward. They can help you process, express, and release safely.

Journal or write about what you’re going through – Putting feelings on paper helps process them safely.
Rip paper up – Gives a safe way to release anger or frustration physically.
Punch a pillow – Lets out physical energy without hurting yourself.
Scream into a pillow (or out loud) – Releases intensity safely and can be surprisingly relieving.
Draw butterflies where you self-harm (Butterfly Project) – Transforms urges into something protective and creative.
Paint or draw using red or dark colours – Expresses strong feelings visually instead of physically harming.
Write an unsent letter – Gets thoughts and emotions out without consequence.
Create a playlist that fits or shifts your mood – Music can help validate or change how you feel.
Use clay, sand, or something to mould or smash safely – Physical creativity redirects tension safely.
Draw on yourself with markers instead of harming – Marks intensity in a controlled, non-harmful way.
Make a collage to represent your emotions – Gives visual form to feelings, releasing them safely.
Write poetry or lyrics – Expressing emotion through words can feel freeing.
Record a voice memo talking through what’s happening – Hearing your voice can help process feelings.
Go to a smash room - Release your feelings by smashing objects in a safe way
Intense exercise - push-ups, wall sits, boxing, holding a plank, running or anything that gets your heart rate up.

Grounding & Soothing

For when you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or numb.

Grounding helps calm your body and mind by bringing focus to the present moment. These activities can remind you that you’re here, safe, and not alone.

Go to sleep or rest – Gives your mind and body a break and lowers intensity.
Sit outside and notice sounds, sights, sensations – Anchors you in the present moment.
Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise – A structured way to shift attention from urges to now. (see, feel, hear, smell, taste)
Light a candle and focus on the flame – Visual focus can be calming and meditative.
Wrap yourself in a soft blanket and notice the texture – Comforts and grounds your body.
Do gentle stretches or yoga – Helps release tension and brings awareness to your body.
Try progressive muscle relaxation (tense/release) – Loosens tension safely and calms the body.
Colour or doodle mindfully – Creative focus can distract and soothe simultaneously.
Spend time with an animal – Their presence can calm and provide comfort.
Make a warm drink and prepare it mindfully – A ritual that shifts focus and warms the body.
Lie on the floor and focus on your breathing – Connects you with your body and slows your mind.
Walk outside barefoot - feel the ground beneath you and think about the grass or the surface you are standing on.
Go outside into the cold air - sometimes the temperature change can be grounding.
Use a guided meditation, podcast, or grounding video – Helps redirect attention and calm thoughts.

Connection & Support

For when you need to feel less alone with urges.

This section focuses on finding support, presence, and connection — whether that’s with another person, a professional, or yourself. You don’t have to explain everything or know the right words.

Sometimes being seen, heard, or accompanied is enough to help the moment pass.

Reach out to a trusted friend or family member – Text, call, email, or talk in person, whichever feels safest, to let someone know you need support.
Reach out to a helpline or warmline – Trained listeners are available to hear you without judgment and help you through the moment. You can text, email or call depending on what feels right in the moment.
Reach out to a clinician and book an appointment – Speaking with a therapist, counsellor, or doctor can provide professional guidance and ongoing support.
Go to an online peer support group – Connect with others who understand and are navigating similar experiences.
Look at social media pages of other people’s recovery – Seeing others’ journeys can remind you that you’re not alone.
Be around people without pressure – Go to a library, café, park, or other public space just to be near others while staying safe.
Write a note to the part of yourself with the urge – Express what it’s feeling, acknowledge it, and offer yourself compassion without acting on it.

Distraction

For when you need a break from loud urges or thoughts. These activities help shift focus, give your mind space, and carry you through a moment. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t — doing enough is enough.

Watch a movie or TV show – Provides distraction and emotional containment by engaging your attention elsewhere.
Listen to music or a podcast – Helps regulate mood and gives your mind something steady to focus on.
Use a recovery activity from the masterlist – Offers structured, supportive options chosen with care for difficult moments. LINK
Do something creative – Channels feelings into expression rather than action.
Go to the library to read or study – Changing your environment can interrupt urge patterns and create a sense of safety.
Go to a cafe, shopping centre, friends house - sometimes being around people can help delay following the urge
Play a video or phone game that requires focus – Occupies your brain just enough to reduce intrusive thoughts with low effort.
Read a book – Allows temporary escape into another world and some distance from the present moment.
Watch satisfying videos on YouTube – Rhythmic, predictable visuals can be calming and absorbing.
Doom scroll (with compassion) – Sometimes survival means distraction without pressure; this can get you through the moment.
Do a brain puzzle (sudoku, crossword, word search) – Engages logical thinking and redirects attention away from urges.
Do a jigsaw puzzle or play a board/card game - draws focus away from thoughts

Safety Planning

For when urges feel intense or harder to manage alone.

This section focuses on practical steps that can help reduce risk, create space, and keep you safer through difficult moments.

You don’t have to use everything — even one small step can make a difference.

Notice early warning signs – Pay attention to thoughts, feelings, or situations that tend to show up before urges intensify, so you can respond sooner.
Create a simple “when urges hit” plan – Have a short, clear set of steps you can follow when thinking feels hard.
Remove or reduce access to means – Throw out items, move them out of reach, or give them to a trusted person to lower risk.
Delay the urge – Commit to waiting a set amount of time (e.g. 10–30 minutes) before acting, using other supports during that window.
Write down reasons not to follow the urge – Keep a list that reflects your values, connections, or future moments you care about.
Let another person know what’s going on for you – You don’t need to explain everything; letting someone know can reduce isolation.
Be around other people if that feels right – Go to a library, café, park, or sit with someone to reduce time alone.
Reach out to a helpline or warmline – Trained listeners can support you through intense moments without judgment.
Have a list of people you can contact – Include names, numbers, and what kind of support each person can offer.
Prepare messages in advance – Write draft texts or emails you can send when finding words feels hard.
Know where you can go to feel safer – Identify places that feel grounding or reduce risk.
Use grounding or coping tools intentionally – Choose options that help bring intensity down rather than push feelings away.
Plan for higher‑risk times – Add extra structure or support around times you know are harder (nights, being alone, after appointments).
Make your environment more supportive – Adjust lighting, sound, comfort items, or routines to help your body feel safer.
Include professional supports – List clinicians, services, or crisis lines you can contact if urges escalate.
Revisit and update your plan – Safety plans can change; adjust it as you learn what helps.

DBT Skills

These tools draw largely from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), a skills-based therapy that teaches practical ways to navigate intense emotions, distress, and relationships. The skills are organised into sections so you can find the kind of support that fits what you’re experiencing right now.

You might approach these tools with curiosity and gentleness. Different moments, and different parts of you, may need different kinds of support. This space is here to offer options, care, and guidance when things feel hard.

Crisis Survival DBT Handouts

Handouts to help you practice the crisis skills, act as simple reminders and give you options on how to use each skill. Not every skill will work for you and that is ok.

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Distress Tolerance Skills - Crisis Survival

When crisis skills can help: Crisis skills are designed for moments when things feel really intense and overwhelming. They’re not about fixing everything — they’re about helping you get through the moment safely until the intensity settles.

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DBT Handouts Crisis Skills-6 (dragged).tiff

DBT Handouts Crisis Skills-11 (dragged).tiff

DBT Handouts Crisis Skills-2 (dragged).tiff

Distress Tolerance Skills - Reality Acceptance

What are reality acceptance skills? Radical acceptance is gently acknowledging what’s real, right now, with your mind, body, and heart. It’s about easing the fight with reality so you’re not carrying extra pain on top of what’s already there — without giving up or saying it’s okay.

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